Page 56 - Kol Bogrei Habonim - October 19

MOSES COME HOME
ALAN ROSENTHAL
P Benny is the intellectual of the family. Guest of
assover at my in-laws. We’d finished the
Seder and were about to toast the great
and the near great, as was our want. We’d
finished with ‘chad gadyah’ and the other songs,
and were trying, with difficulty to digest
enormous quantities of food.
David, the family curmudgeon, was the first to
speak. Every year he complained that the whole
Passover tradition was a fraud, and
objectionable, and he wouldn’t come next year.
And yet he always turned up. Maybe it was
because my mother-in-law’s cooking was so
much better than that of Suzy, his wife.
“This is not a toast,” said David. “It’s a harsh
critique. You talk of freedom from slavery, but
not a word on God’s injustices. We’re told he
slaughtered the Egyptian first born, but spared
the Jews if they smeared blood on their door
posts. What sheer cruelty. What had these
innocent firstborns done to the Jews? Nothing.
God, who if it comes down to it is nothing but a
malicious sadist, instead has to vent his spite on
poor kids who’d done nothing. And you wonder
why I don’t want to celebrate the Seder.”
Well, after that diatribe, we needed something
light, so we turned to Benny, who could always
be counted upon to brighten the atmosphere.
Without more ado he stood up to propose the
evening’s star libation.
“Family, friends and hangers-on, charge your
glasses. I want to propose a toast to our people’s
inspiration, and our guiding light for more than
three thousand years. No, I’m not referring to
Mosheh Rabbeinu, or Moses the lawgiver. I’m
talking about Moses, the greatest con artist of all
times”
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Oprah and other talk show hosts. An old
intimate of Kissinger and more recently a friend
of Obama. So when Benny talks we all listen.
‘”We have many views of Moses, but I will be
the first to admit, con artist isn’t one of them.
But what do we really know about the man. A
mediocre debater, who would never have made
the lower ranks of the Oxford Union, let alone,
the US Senate or House of Congress, however, a
great conjurer. Remember that bit about the
snake that becomes a staff. Also a fine hiker and
my God…what a scriptwriter.
Where would Charlton Heston and Cecil B.
DeMille be without him? I don’t have to remind
you of the immortal lyrics of ‘Let My People
Go.’
Finally, just look at all those jokes in the Ten
Commandments. Do not steal. Do not commit
adultery. I ask you where would all our big
companies be without stealing. As for adultery,
why that’s the greatest pleasure we have today.”
Here Benny turned to his wife. “No I don’t mean
us darling. I’m talking about the pleasures of the
masses.”
“OK. Let’s give credit where credit’s due. A first
class politician and husband, though I’m not sure
if he helped with the household chores like me.
But a Zionist – an inspiration for modern Israel?
An inspiration for the Promised Land? You must
be kidding. You want evidence? It’s
everywhere.
Firstly, forty years in the desert. It doesn’t make
sense, even with El Al and BA strikes. Just
imagine. There you are. You’ve escaped from
the Egyptians by the skin of your teeth and the
WOGs have taken a bath. You are lusting for