Page 58 - Kol Bogrei Habonim - October 19
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all laid out before him. Palestine, in widescreen “Well, we boobed good and proper. Looks to me
and glorious Technicolor. And then…silence. like a real crap hole of a place.”
Well silence, I ask you! You’d expect a word, a Joshua is aghast. The secondary and tertiary
small exclamation. I’m not saying he should minions are hushed away as Moses and Joshua
have enthused. I’m not asking for that old Count argue with each other.
of Monte Cristo dialogue where Maureen “You know how much capital I’ve got tied up in
O’Hara says to Louis Hayward “This is the this project,” says Josh. “You’ve got to go down
greatest moment of my life.” I’m not asking for there and lead them in; otherwise I’ll never be
one of those American Zionist outbursts where able to look Hadassah or all those Israel charity
someone claps you on the shoulder and says organizations in the face again.”
“My gawd! What a fantastic superb dynamic
pulsating vibrant mind boggling country (but But Moses is adamant. “Look kid, I’ve had forty
don’t let my daughter go there).” years of you all bellyaching, and now this. Well
enough is enough. I tell you the place stinks. No
No. All I’m asking for is a few lines. Terse. milk bars. No coca cola and rotten toilets.
Brief. Blunt. Straight from the heart, like You’re so keen, you lead them in. One thing’s
“Hm…it’s a bit dusty down there.” Or, (non- certain. You won’t catch me dead over there.
committal) “That’s some country.” Or, (rallying Sure there’s a place for you in the Promised
round) “I can see it’s not the greatest but if we Land. My place!
bend over backwards we can get it cleared up
and ship shape in no time.” Or even “Can’t see a This is all becoming very uncomfortable, and
damn thing. I’ve got dirt in my eye.” All this I then Joshua has a brainwave. “Boss, we’ve got
could understand. But silence..? to save face. Right? You don’t want to go in.
You don’t like Jews. You don’t like oranges.
Of course it’s absolutely clear what’s happened. OK. I understand. But I’ve got a plan.
Moses has been censored. I know it’s hard to
take after all these years but it just has to be said. What if we tell everybody you died? I go down
No, I haven’t got proof, but I see the real the mountain wrapped in a little sackcloth
scenario like this. number and tell them you copped it at the top.
Maybe we give them that “to heaven in a fiery
Moses gets to the top of Nebo with Joshua. chariot” story. Then we have a right wailing and
Leans on Joe and takes a rest. Then he takes a song and dance for you and I take over.”
swig of his Jonny Walker Black Label, or the
equivalent for his day and says in John Wayne Then Joshua becomes a bit more thoughtful.
True Grit style, “OK, Josh. I can take it. Where “But that’s not all. We’ve got to dispose of your
is it?” Then he looks around. North, south, east, body… Simple. You go out the back door. Get
west, before he slowly sinks down into his chair. yourself a new passport and go somewhere
Joshua waits, typewriter at the ready. soft…Miami. South America. Acapulco. You’ve
Everywhere around there is a sudden hush. had a lot of experience. You could set up in the
Everyone is on tenterhooks. What’s going to travel business, or removals. I think “Moishe’s
come from the great man’s lips At least Movers” would be a great name. And no one will
something equal to “Once more into the breach, know what’s really happened. You can even read
dear friends?” Or a prehistory version of “Never your obituary in The Times. You’ll be laughing,
in the field of human endeavour.” and we’ll all be happy.”
Joshua licks his lips, and waits. The tension And that’s what I think happened. It all points to
mounts. Down below the masses are murmuring. it. Again what does it say in the bible. “Moses
Finally Moses speaks. died and was buried, but no man knoweth of his
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